Halls Of Eriador

dogposts:

Ohh, self service *yoink*

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odinsblog:

-They’re made out of meat.

Meat?

-Meat. They’re made out of meat.

Meat?

-There’s no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat.

That’s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?

-They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don’t come from them. The signals come from machines.

So who made the machines? That’s who we want to contact.

-They made the machines. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.

That’s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You’re asking me to believe in sentient meat?

-I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they’re made out of meat.

Maybe they’re like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.

-Nope. They’re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn’t take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?

Spare me. Okay, maybe they’re only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.

-Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They’re meat all the way through.

No brain?

-Oh, there is a brain all right. It’s just that the brain is made out of meat!

So… what does the thinking?

-You’re not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat.

Thinking meat! You’re asking me to believe in thinking meat!?

-Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?

OMG. You’re serious then? They’re made out of meat?

-Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they’ve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.

So what does the meat have in mind?

-First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual.

We’re supposed to talk to meat?

-That’s the idea. That’s the message they’re sending out by radio. ‘Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?’ That sort of thing.

They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?

-Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.

I thought you just told me they used radio.

-They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.

OMG. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?

-Officially or unofficially?

Both.

-Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.

I was hoping you would say that.

-It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?

I agree one hundred percent. What’s there to say?`Hello, meat. How’s it going?’ But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?

-Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can’t live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.

So we just pretend there’s no one home in the universe?

-That’s it.

Cruel, but you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You’re sure they won’t remember?

-They’ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we’re just a dream to them.

A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat’s dream.

-And we can mark this sector unoccupied.

Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?

-Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again.

They always come around.

-And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone.

—THEY’RE MADE OUT OF MEAT, by Terry Bisson, 1991

digitaldiscipline:

avron:

patrickat:

cipheramnesia:

deliriumcrow:

splend-42:

i-was-today-years-old-when:

i learned that actor Danny Trejo has the most on-screen deaths of anyone in Hollywood history, with 65. Followed by Christopher Lee (60), Lance Henriksen (51), Vincent Price (41), Dennis Hopper (41), Boris Karloff (41), and John Hurt (39). (x)

Yet poor Sean Bean is stuck with the reputation for dying in every movie. Unfair.

Give him time, he still has many years of dying yet to come.

Also there’s the question of density vs quantity. If you make a hundred movies and die in 50, and someone else makes 30 movies and dies in 30, the first one has died more, but the second one has died more often per movie.

It’s the DPM ratio that really counts, IMO.

65/402 16% Danny Trejo
60/282 21% Christopher Lee
51/259 20% Lance Henriksen
41/211 19% Vincent Price
41/205 20% Dennis Hopper
41/204 20% Boris Karloff
39/209 19% John Hurt
33/117 28% Sean Bean

I’m so proud of the statistical side of tumblr for coming through on this.

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spaghetti-trek:

lliyin:

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

As a european i sometimes forget furefkied are actually real and not american folklore/cryptids. Like you’ve got friendly little bugs that glow in the dark….. b r uh

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guerrillatech:

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antidrumpfs:

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picsthatmakeyougohmm:

dogposts:

Finally, some decent weather

dogposts:

This is Walter. He looks like one of the wizards secretly running this website 

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dogposts:

checking on their buddy at a dog daycare center

dogposts:

one of the best haircut videos i have seen

dogposts:

it fucken WIMDY

dogposts:

what are you doing??

dogposts:

it fucken WIMDY (part 3)

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